A noteworthy suicide note and an inquiry into compassion by Misha Lyuve

Jan 11, 2011

Bill Zeller, a 27-year old Princeton PhD candidate and renowned internet programmer, committed a suicide and left a note that I find is worth a read (to read full letter click here)

The raw insights of his inner world and, ultimately, the act of suicide itself display a kaleidoscope of complex and contradictory intricacies of living. And I am sure if you read this letter you will end up with a wide range of opinions and emotions except for, probably, staying indifferent.

My question is about how the inner world is being expressed in the outer, for the most part in relationship with other humans.  Do we really have an idea of what the other, even someone close to us, is experiencing? After all, we’ve been conditioned to smile, exude success and thoughtlessly respond “great”s to “how are you?”s. And if we don’t feel it, we adjust. (Or else…?)

And for myself, I noticed that I became much harsher. In my life the intention to achieve desired destinations has become more important than attention, compassion or a random act of kindness.

Hmmm… definitely something to think about.

Leave comments with your thoughts.

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  1. Nutan

    Beautiful . . . my comment is – Listening to the heart tune . . . ;-) ) ;-) )
    tune |t(y)oōn|
    a melody, esp. one that characterizes a certain piece of music : she left the theater humming a cheerful tune.
    …..Wealth and health are my birthrights
    I claim them now
    I follow my heart
    I create my future
    I shear my gift
    I live with gratitude
    I am wealth and health

    My time is now
    I decide I commit I act…..
    …..I never, never, never give up…..
    I have curiosity
    It always happens the best
    Thank you Thank you Thank you
    Amen Amen Amen
    Listening to the heart tune . . . ;-) ) ;-) )

    • Rev. Catherine T. Parker

      Misha, I responded to this last week but as I was about to enter, the computer went down, satan did not want me to express my thoughts for all to hear but I’m trying again …

      As I was reading his note/letter my heart just went out to him. He moved me into a place of “knowing” … knowing how he was feeling. Unless you’ve been there it is impossible to really know. I know it’s “hind-sight” but IF I could have met Bill I would have told him that it’s okay to LET GO of the pain. I would have told him that IT WAS NOT HIS FAULT. I would have told him that HE CAN FORGIVE HIMSELF for being a participant in something he didn’t know how to share with anyone. I would have told him that so many these things have happened to. I would have told him that God could redirect his mind to know who he really was created to be. I would have loved on him and groomed him back to being a whole person emotionally. I would have let him know that there comes a time when it’s okay to move on, when the dark secrets of the past have to be just that … past. I would have told him that I knew how it felt not being able to feel you can tell your parents but not for the same reasons for me. I would have told him that not are Christians operate in that way because I am one and I live LOVE. I would have told him to hand the hurt and confusion over to JESUS and STAND FREE and WHOLE. I would have told him to USE THE PAST MEMORIES to help someone else, that when the test is over, it becomes A TESTIMONY so that satan does not get the glory because there is always glory in every story! I would have told him that however long it took for him to finally work through it that I would be there for him. Oh, Misha, it hurts my heart because there are lots of Bill(s) out there and it’s okay to LET IT GO. Also, it’s okay to contact me. God bless all the Bill(s) out there and anyone else who may have similar problems / situations / concerns / hurts/ pains … I know ONE that can FIX IT ALL. I’m so thankful I got to know Him … JESUS … the past no longer haunts me ….

  2. Penelope

    Thanks for sharing this – I wouldn’t have known about it otherwise, and I’m grateful to have read it.

  3. Heulwen R

    What an awful life he had, and it sounds from such a young age. It totally destroyed his childhood, his teen years, and as a person. All because this evil being wanted his way with him..he knew he was hurting him, making him unhappy..I wonder why his Mother never guessed something was going on. Children don’t become withdrawn for no reason. People who leave young children’s lives in tatters…deserve to be named.
    One thing..if he had told his Mother or Father he could then have been directed to a hypnotist who could wipe out the darkness and help him on the road to recovery, instead of being in a state of bewilderment where nothing made sense all of his short life. I wish I could have known him, I would have told him about the power of ‘prayer’. If ever a young person needed help..he needed it. God is there for us, to all who believes in Him ..All we need do is believe in Him and On Him, and miracles happen…and he answers too, if only we would give Him the chance.
    What a waste of a young life.